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  • Writer's picturePeter Golder

Can we talk?

Sometimes, thoughts can really build up in our head, causing our feelings to spiral out of control. We might feel we need to say something to someone that we dread speaking of, either about them or about ourselves. Yet the fear of it exploding in our face, causing a lot of mental and relational damage, will stop us from talking openly. If we don’t say something though, our own mind can feel like it’s going to internally combust from all the rumination. So, we have a dilemma. We either open the door to communication and see what happens or bolt it shut and manage the repercussions.

The trouble with bolting it shut is that we can have thoughts that are like a horse kicking crazily at the stable door trying to get out. Our head can be plagued with indecision about what to do. Around others in our life, we can feel distracted, not being present in the moment. With the wild tempest of angst dominating our mind about whether to say something, it can feel impossible to focus on anything else but maintaining the boundary of that bolted door.

We might get frustrated with ourselves, saying in a critical internal voice, ‘pull yourself together’, or we might feel that no one cares what we think or how we feel. We therefore don’t say anything, yet the burning thoughts and feelings are scorching our minds.


What can be done?

We are not all horse whisperers, so it’s useful to do something we can do, which is talking to someone about what is going on. Getting their support to help us tame and relax the wild thoughts, which may help us to feel more in control. This may be talking to a trusted confidant, a person in our family we know and love or someone impartial and non-judgemental like a professional. By doing this we also allow ourselves to be seen and heard, which can feel a little intimate for some people, but at the time being listened to, is very important and very powerful.

It can feel really scary to start a conversation that we have been putting off. Yet, it’s normal to feel some anxiety about sharing personal or emotional details with someone. When people start to talk, they feel less pressure in their head, feel lighter and less alone.

So, can we talk? Absolutely. We are social beings and communication is vital for our wellbeing.



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